This is a girl my husband and I have loved for years. She has travelled with us to Passion twice. She has spent hours sitting in our home, either on our couch or at our table sharing her life with us. I have eaten meals prior to this one in Saga where I have wondered if we will ever be able to help her through this self-doubt, this negative spirit, this constant inability to see anything good about herself.
I noticed it as soon as we spoke...I had seen her on campus earlier and even then I noticed there was just something different about her. We had spent so much time worrying about her, I wasn't really expecting a change and so I'm not sure I really saw it in that brief encounter. After our lunch together, there was no denying...transformation had occurred!
We started our meal with prayer...of course. And then I began my new M.O.: ask a lot of open-ended questions and just listen. I think I've always done this to a certain extent, but now I'm much more intentional about making sure I hear what the student has to say. About letting them tell me all about themselves, where they are in the moment, and allowing them to guide the direction of the conversation. Of course, if there are certain topics I know need to be covered, I'll ask a question about them, especially if I sense the student trying to avoid them.
She did none of that. She poured out the story of her summer. How she was feeling about soccer and being part of the team. Her sadness at not being on the starting roster even though she felt she had earned that. The embarrassment that caused...after all she is a returning 5th year and she started all season during her junior year. A knee injury kept her out during her senior year and so she was eligible to return this year. And she had worked hard this summer to ensure she was playing at her best and would be included on the starting lineup. By the second game she had earned her way there and is feeling better about that whole situation.
This is a girl who has always defined herself by her success. So not being the best is always difficult. And despite her embarrassment at not being a starter during the first game, I sense that she had finally come to terms with the fact that soccer isn't everything. That she isn't just the soccer player. Something had happened.
After that first difficult game, she prayed and thought about the situation. She had two choices: sulk and check out and have no impact on the team or choose to be a leader to the other women on the team...of perseverance, hard work, the importance of team and of supporting each other. She chose the latter. Makes me wonder if God honored that choice by giving her the starting spot the next week. Either way, she was transformed from someone who would only see herself as a soccer player and could now see herself as a spiritual leader and mentor whether her cleats ever touched the field.
My friend spent her summer in Costa Rica in a "Christian" environment working with a few people, one or two of whom were living theirs lives as Christians but also 3-4 who weren't. She struggled with the foul language, the sexual aggressiveness of her roommate, and the general lack of pursuit of faith. And it seemed to be just the perfect environment for her to grow her own! It was in the absence of other Christians, including my husband and me, that this woman finally was transformed by Christ. When all of us got out of the way...He had the space to do His work. And she went after Him and finally began to feel His affection, care, and provision for her. She finally began to believe what we all had been telling her all along...she was wonderful. ..she was smart...she was worth being loved...she mattered to the Creator of the universe.
And even now, with her boyfriend busy with his job and most of her friends already graduated, she has the space to pursue Christ. She has the space to write down the memories of her present state so when those dark days come back, which undoubtedly they will, she can remember today. She can recapture the hope of these good days, of her closeness to her Father, of her contentment, and know that they are possible. So good...
so well reflected
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